


Heart Tones

by rhiannonhero



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-27
Updated: 2010-07-27
Packaged: 2017-10-10 20:16:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhiannonhero/pseuds/rhiannonhero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks to <a href="http://peggin.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://peggin.livejournal.com/"><strong>peggin</strong></a> and <a href="http://amelialourdes.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://amelialourdes.livejournal.com/"><strong>amelialourdes</strong></a> for the beta read! :)</p>
    </blockquote>





	Heart Tones

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://peggin.livejournal.com/profile)[**peggin**](http://peggin.livejournal.com/) and [](http://amelialourdes.livejournal.com/profile)[**amelialourdes**](http://amelialourdes.livejournal.com/) for the beta read! :)

  
It's Christmas, again, even though it seems like it just happened a month ago. Luke sits between Natalie and Ethan, passing the gifts around, and sipping egg nog while the littlest one squeals. Natalie is acting entirely unwilling to even fake enthusiasm for what she's been given, and Luke remembers when Faith was her age. It was a horror show. In comparison, Natalie is a delight.

Speaking of, he's been holding Faith's new baby off and on, giving Faith a break, so that she can go flirt inappropriately with her baby's father's best friend, but Luke isn't saying anything, because he knows better than to wade into those murky family waters. Matters of the heart are unpredictable, and Luke's not interested in being the one who can say 'I told you so' when Faith messes up her life. There will be plenty of Snyders around for that. No, instead, Luke plans to be the one who tries to hold people together through it. That's just what he does these days. It's been a long time since he's dared to tell someone who they should love.

"Luke," his mother calls to him from across the room. "Can you help me in the kitchen?"

The kitchen is warm and it smells great, but the farm just isn't the same without Grandma. Luke forces a smile for his mother, though, because she's tried so very hard to make this just right, to do it just the way that Emma always did, and he doesn't want her to know that she's failed utterly, because Faith is sure to tell her that, or maybe even Natalie given her reaction to her Christmas gifts, so Luke wants her to feel good about herself and the family holiday she's worked so hard to get together for at least a few more minutes.

"This is amazing, Mom. It's perfect." Luke doesn't think it's really a lie, because it's as perfect as Lily could hope to get it.

"Thank you, honey." She hands him a stack of plates, and says, "Could you?"

"Sure." Luke starts to lay them around the table. One for Mom, Dad, and Grandmother. One for Ethan, Natalie, Faith, and the highchair pulled up to the table for the little one. Luke pauses beside the plate he leaves for himself, thinking of other meals in this kitchen, of a time when the seat next to his was reserved for Noah. Noah, who is in Hollywood making some kind of documentary about women's intimate apparel --the irony could not be missed. And now this place is for Reid. Reid, who has only occupied it five times in as many years, and never on a major holiday. Luke runs his hand over the empty space, and closes his eyes.

Sometimes it sucks, and sometimes it's just so much his life that he doesn't take the time to think about it. Five Christmases, and none of them together, just as Reid had promised. And Luke's birthday, always forgotten, except when Reid would call in the middle of the day to say that Luke's mother stopped by the hospital to remind him that it was Luke's special day, and, "Hey, happy birthday, I'll fuck you when I get home." Luke smiles thinking about that. He knows that for most people that would be unacceptable, but Reid has his moments, small things that would sound absurd to anyone Luke might mention them to.

"Ah, honey," Lily says, wrapping her arms around Luke from behind, standing on her tiptoes to put her chin on his shoulder. "I'm sorry that Reid has to work again."

Luke shrugs, smiles, and kisses his mother's forehead, before breaking away to finish setting the plates. "Ah, well, I suppose that's just the way it is."

He decides that Faith's baby's father might sit here next to him, or maybe the father's best friend. If they're lucky, there won't be a fight over the dinner table. Luke has a sudden vision of the dinner his mother has prepared being smashed under the writhing bodies of Faith's two paramours. Luke know that shouldn't be as thrilling to him as it is. He's not even sure whether it is the idea of having something crazy to regale Reid with that makes it appealing, or the thought that the guys would look kind of hot rolling around together like that. Clearly, Reid is rubbing off on him too much; he's been finding glee in horrible situations far too often these days.

"God, Mom," Faith says from the doorway. "What's that smell?"

"It's dinner, honey," Lilly says, her posture tight, and her voice defensive.

"Smells like the stables to me."

"Faith, if you don't have anything nice to say," Holden says, entering the kitchen, followed by Ethan who is clutching the stethoscope that Luke and Reid have given him as a gift. "I believe you know how this ends, young lady. Also, your son needs his diaper changed."

"I just changed it!" Faith exclaims in disbelief.

"Part of the fun of parenthood, honey," Lily mutters, distracted by the pots on the stove, but her needling comment about Faith's unplanned pregnancy comes through all the same.

"Here," Luke says, holding the last few plates out to Ethan. "Can you finish for me? I'm going to help Faith."

Ethan, nine now and smart for his age, says, "Why? It doesn't take two people to change a diaper."

Luke clears his throat. He mainly just wants to get Faith away from Lily before the family fight begins. He's kind of hoping that if it all goes to hell, the paramours fighting on top of the table option, smearing the Christmas food all over their writhing bodies, will be how it all goes down. Luke suddenly finds himself very invested in that outcome.

"Here," Ethan says, putting the dishes down in a stack on the table. "Let me hear your heart."

Luke sits down in his chair at the table, unbuttons the top few buttons, and presents his chest to Ethan.

"Fine," Faith says, pointedly. "I'll change his diaper _alone_."

Luke stifles a smile at the absurdity, and helps Ethan position the stethoscope. "Well, how does it sound, doc?"

Ethan narrows his eyes and says, "I'm not four. This is an actual medical instrument, and I am listening to your heart tones at the moment."

"Right. Of course," Luke says.

Sometimes Ethan reminds him of Reid, and he wonders if Holden and Lily have ever considered having Ethan evaluated, because he generally thinks that it would have been a good idea if Reid had been back when he was Ethan's age. Not that he doesn't love Reid just as he is, but it seems likely that Reid would have had more friends at least, if he'd been schooled to fake social situations a little better. Sometimes Luke worries that he's the only one in Reid's life. If something happens to him…what then? Sure, the Snyders would attempt to take Reid in, absorb him into the family until he was healed, but the likelihood that Reid would truly _let_ them? Not very.

"Has Reid listened to your heart lately?" Ethan asks, his face a small vision of intensity.

"I don't know," Luke says. "Why?"

"I think you have a murmur. It happens sometimes if the transplanted kidney is failing. The blood isn't cleared properly, and congestive heart failure can begin. One early sign is a new murmur."

Luke feels as though someone has dunked him in ice water. Luke pushes Ethan's new stethoscope away and stands up.

"Honey?" Lily asks, her attention drawn by his sudden movement.

"I'll be right back," Luke says. "I, uh, forgot something."

"But, darling, the dinner will be ready—"

"Just start without me," Luke says. "I'll be right back. I promise."

As Luke leaves through the kitchen door, he pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and dials Reid's cell. It goes straight to voicemail. Luke slams his car door and he's talking out loud to himself. "Ethan's nine. What does he know? Why did Reid give him those damn medical books? "

But Reid hadn't given the books to Ethan, Luke had. When Reid was going to throw them out, having purchased updated editions, Luke had said, "My kid brother would love these." Reid's reply was, "Fine. He can knock himself out," without even looking up, without even stopping for a breath or to glance away from the sandwich he was building like it was a block tower of meat.

And now Ethan's said this thing, and it's Christmas, and Luke's freaking out because he's always been terrified of just this thing: the idea of his kidney giving up on him, leaving him dependant on dialysis or another transplant. It's always been the stuff of his nightmares.

Luke drives to the hospital. The place is decked in lights and all of the kids who are able, the healthiest ones from peds, are wearing Santa hats and playing some kind of game in the main waiting room.

"Mr. Snyder," Patti, the dark haired, laid back nurse who seems to actually like Reid, greets Luke, smiling. "He's still in surgery. I'm sorry."

Luke nods and says, "I just…I know this is unusual, but I need to see him."

"Mr. Snyder, that's impossible. He can't stop—"

"No. I mean, I need to see _him_. He doesn't even have to know I'm there. "

"Oh," Patti says, worry flashing over her features, but she doesn't ask, and Luke's glad.

He follows her down the corridors, until she has him wait by a set of double doors while she consults with another nurse on staff. That nurse also looks at him with concern, but then jerks her chin toward the double doors, and they automatically open. Patti joins him again, and takes him through a door and up a flight of stairs, into one of the observation rooms that Reid had insisted be added to each operating room during the construction of the new neuro wing.

"Students should have the opportunity to observe my genius, no matter which room I'm working in," Reid had said.

Patti touches his shoulder. "Adrienne said that you could stay as long as you want."

Reid is barely distinguishable from every other person in the room below, all of them decked out in blue gowns and caps, but Reid's the one sitting by the patient's head, and Luke can tell by the expression on his face that Reid is very interested in whatever he's found in there.

Luke's hand reaches around to his back, and he rubs where the transplant scar is hidden under his clothes. Reid's saying something to the assistant beside him, and there is an exchange of instruments, and then Reid smiles, blinding like he's just seen Luke after several long days at the hospital, but this smile is for whatever is happening inside that patient's skull.

"Mr. Snyder?" Patti asks. "Should I leave?"

Luke is steady now, and he smiles at Patti and says, "Can I ask a favor?"

"Another one?" Patti laughs. "Oh, hell, what's another?"

"Could you listen to my heart? Just, you know, see if there's a murmur?"

Patti blinks at him, but goes to a drawer in the room and pulls out a stethoscope. "Okay, why not? Though, I'm not an expert. You should have a doctor listen."

"I will," Luke says, but for now he just needs to know.

Patti's expression is impossible to mistake as she listens to his heart, her face framed by the arms of the stethoscope. "Luke, I think that—"

The lack of formal address is another clue. He's just gone from being Dr. Reid Oliver's partner to being someone's patient. Patti's worried for him, and that means it's true.

"Okay," Luke says, cutting her off. "I'll tell him tonight."

"He might not be home tonight," Patti says, glancing through the glass. "This surgery has gone on much longer than expected already."

"I'll tell him when I can."

"Okay." Patti touches his arm. "It's just a murmur. It's probably nothing."

Luke knows, though. It isn't nothing. And that means he's going to be faced with telling Reid that he's sick, and he knows that Reid will panic. He knows it like he knows that Reid loves him, like he knows that rain is wet, and the sun rises in the east.

Luke has noticed over the years that Reid has been making plans for this, and he has a strange moment of knowing exactly what those plans are, though he's never asked Reid about them, only seen the articles Reid has dog eared, the notes about his and Luke's shared blood type and antigens, and the jotted notes of statistics on transplanted kidney failures.

"He'll want to give me one of his," Luke says, and he laughs, because that seems so absurd. As if he would ever allow Reid to cut out a part of himself for Luke. And then he laughs harder because he knows that he'd do the same for Reid, and he doesn't even have one to spare.

"Luke?" Patti asks, and her brow is creased.

"Never mind," Luke says. "It's nothing." He crosses his arms over his chest and looks through the glass at Reid again. "I should go. It's Christmas."

Luke follows Patti from the room, and he walks with his back straight and his head up, until he gets to his car, and then he laughs like a lunatic, and turns on the radio, blasting Christmas music and singing along, giddy and scared, with tears in his eyes.

"Honey?" his mother asks from the table as he walks in the door. Everyone is already seated, the food quickly disappearing into chattering mouths. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Luke says. "I just had to see Reid."

Holden and Lily exchange a worried glance, but Faith chooses that moment to say something that provokes an outburst, and Luke spares a moment to wish he'd gotten to at least taste some of the food before all hell broke loose. His family is so entirely insane.

Ethan's next to him then, a frown on his face, and his right hand outstretched with the stethoscope. "Here," Ethan says. "You can have it back."

Luke crouches down, but that makes Ethan taller than him, so Luke looks up at his serious face. "The stethoscope didn't make it true, Ethan. You didn't cause this."

The table has become a shouting match, and Natalie has just announced that she's done with all of them, and flounced out the back door. Ethan turns his head to watch her go, and then he says, "Will you be okay?"

"Sure," Luke says. And he will. He knows that he'll be just fine if Reid has anything to say about it.

Ethan hugs him tight, only to let go when Faith screeches and the two guys she can't seem to choose between are at each other's throats. "I'm so out of here," Ethan says.

"Me, too," Luke agrees, his stomach churning. "Was the food any good at least?"

"Nah," Ethan says. "Mom made it."

"I know." Luke doesn't need Ethan to say more. "Where are you heading?"

"Stables."

Luke nods and stands up, considers getting involved in the escalating drama at the table, but he's older now, and suddenly tired, and he has his health to think of; Reid would want him to go home. So he yells his goodbyes, uncertain if anyone hears him, and he drives home to the apartment he shares with Reid.

He collects the small pile of Christmas cards that the five kids in the apartment next door deposit on his doorstep every year, and flips through them. Most are addressed to Luke and Doctor Oliver, but there's one that's addressed to Luke and Doctor Meanie Pants, and that makes Luke laugh so hard that he has a hard time getting the door open.

It is written by eight year old, Madeline. She and Reid get into it over her singing practice. She has declared that she is the best of all of her voice teacher's students, but Reid has declared that is only true if her teacher is a whale.

Luke shucks his coat, and tosses the cards on the counter, stopping in his tracks at the box that he spies sitting open on the kitchen table. He sighs, touches his side again, and then sits down and studies the box and its contents: a shiny circle, glistening in the low light. Luke puts his hand to his mouth, and he works hard to stop himself from crying.

He starts wiping at his eyes when the door to the apartment suddenly opens, and Reid walks in looking jovial and stuffing his face with a sandwich from Al's. "You're home early," Reid says.

"So are you." Luke sniffles and Reid's eyes go sharp.

"It was that bad, huh? Anyone get hurt?"

"I don't know. I left before it came to blows."

Reid's eyes narrow and he steps closer. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying," Luke lies, and then waves his hand toward the box on the table. "It's just…"

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Reid says, turning back to hang up his coat, and shucking his shoes. "It's the last doughnut, not a wedding ring. Get over yourself."

"I love you," Luke says, his voice tight.

Reid turns around slowly, and walks toward Luke with a look of terror in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

Luke shakes his head, and his throat is too tight to talk. "It's the doughnut."

Reid takes Luke's chin in his hand and says, "Tell me. What's wrong?"

Luke takes Reid's other hand, and says, "I need you to listen to my heart." His chin is quivering now.

Reid doesn't ask him why, and he doesn't let go of his hand as he pulls Luke along to the couch, and drags the black bag out, along with the stethoscope. The chest piece is cold, and Luke tries to breathe normally, but he can feel his heart pounding anyway.

Reid's face changes after only a few seconds, and Luke pushes the stethoscope away once he's certain that Reid's only listening in a panic now. "I'm sorry," Luke says.

"For what? It happens. You couldn't have prevented it."

"I could have if I'd never needed a transplant to begin with."

Reid puts his stethoscope away, not looking at Luke, and he says nothing.

"Reid?"

Then Reid's planning, talking about calling Rogers at Vandy, or Chatterson at Johns Hopkins, and lamenting that they hate him, so they probably wouldn't want to do any favors for him, but he'll make them, because this will be taken care of, dammit.

"Now," Reid says, standing up from the sofa, and stretching his arms. "Eat that damn doughnut. I saved it for you."

"Reid?" Luke says again.

And that's when Reid's in his arms, holding him, wrapping him up, kissing Luke's neck, his mouth, and his hair. "I love you," Reid says, an urgent command in his voice. "You'll be fine. I can promise you that. I'll give you my own if I damn well have to, but with all of those siblings and cousins of yours, surely there's a better match."

Luke doesn't tell him that he's scared to death. Luke doesn't say a thing. He doesn't protest, and he doesn't argue, because he knows he's going to be okay. Even though matters of the heart are unpredictable, Reid still saves the last doughnut for him. And that's all that Luke really needs to know.

THE END  


**Author's Note:**

>   
> Additional Notes: For [](http://archanaindira.livejournal.com/profile)[**archanaindira**](http://archanaindira.livejournal.com/) for saying that she wanted a story about forgetting birthdays, missing Christmas, and the last doughnut. This is likely not what she was looking for, but this is what I came up with. :) 


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